Hi! I know you stopped by looking for an A-Z post of a short story, or perhaps the craft of writing. Perhaps you even looked so far as to see that my theme is “Catching Up.” Well, while I did spending a couple of days “catching up”, so at least on that point I’m on theme, there may actually be no fiction or writing talk.
Of course you do. Does that seem like a strange statement to make? Well, I say it only to beat down that voice in the back of my head (and possibly yours) that creeps up occasionally to try to tell you that you’re not.
Do you hear that voice? I hear that voice. It sounds like me. It’s very, very good at impersonation.
It’s louder when there are other negative things happening. It magnifies the other things.
I don’t like it.
You are beautiful.
You are amazing.
You are awesome.
You are so sweet.
You are so kind.
You are loved, and you are loving.
Can you even hear those in your own voice? It took practice before I could hear them in my voice. The very first times I tried, it was like an allergic reaction.
EW. That’s just…no. I can’t say that. Who says that? Just those stupid woowoo self-help idiots. Yuck. No, I don’t need that shit. I”m fine. There’s nothing wrong.
I have to be stern with that Other voice, the one that wants me to believe I’m worthless, that wants me to hate myself. But I’ve given that Other voice entirely too much attention. Almost 40 years of attention. That’s entirely too much.
The journey to self-love and self-acceptance has not been easy, and sometimes it’s easy to loose my grip on where I stand now. Sometimes I realize I didn’t build my little island well enough, and I slip or stumble or fall, but then I remember I planted that really great tree, and then realize I’ve been mixing my metaphors a bit more but it doesn’t matter and I grab a branch, and steady myself.
I’m going to start a book recommendation list of the books I read along the way. Of course, if you have access to a good therapist, you’re already on the path. I’m not ready for a therapist yet. I’m doing okay with my books, but I know the therapist is a step on the journey I’ll need to make eventually.
What was I going on about?