I don’t even know where to start

Well. October has arrived, and we’re inching closer to an election and National Novel Writing Month, and then suddenly Thanksgiving will be gone and Christmas will be here and then suddenly 2020 will be over and it’ll be time to pay taxes and…

October is the start of the fastest time of my life. Let’s just say that. Generally, once October is here, I’m looking forward to NaNo, and then I’m scared because time has sped up and Christmas is almost here and I’m not ready for it, and then Christmas is over and we get past all of our December birthdays and celebrations, and I get to take a break, but then I’ve been so wound up for so long I deflate and take two and a half months to relax, and then, yes, suddenly taxes are due and I’m panicking about them.

But once we get past April 15th (most years *cough*fucking2020*cough*), time resumes it’s normal speed.

For now, though, I’m in October.

It’s different than any other year. I’m (finally) not freaking out or getting depressed about or looking forward to or upset about National Novel Writing Month.

This is M.A.J.O.R.

H U G E .

As in, I haven’t experienced this since 2002, the year before I discovered NaNo. And it only got worse in the years I was working as a co- or solo-Municipal Liaison. It’s been a couple of years since I did that, but those years I were the dark years, not the excited/frantic ones.

I’m grateful that I’m not dragging myself out to events I’m not having fun at. This is not to say that I didn’t like the people at the events. I love many of the people at the events. But I need a break.

It’s going to be interesting to experience a normal October and November. I know 2020 isn’t normal, but a year where I’m not spending every moment in October plotting a novel I’ll never write (I’m a pantser and it’s silly that I keep trying to be otherwise). A year where I don’t spend every second in November kicking myself for not writing. A year where December doesn’t sneak up and kick my ass because I was so busy in October and November, I couldn’t prepare for Christmas. Where my birthday sneaks up. Where the first quarter of the new year slips by unnoticed because I’m so glad the last quarter of the previous one is over.

Well. I’m harping, I suppose. And I make it sound like I have no choice in how time passes or how I spend my time, but I know that I do. I suppose I’m just excited to actually feel in control. To take a little bit of time to really remember what these months feel like without the clutter of external events.

This doesn’t mean that I’m not participating in NaNoWriMo, which probably sounds odd. I’m going to write something. Maybe finish a previously begun novel, maybe write something completely different. But I can do it without guilt, without frustration that’s been plaguing me for the past few years. Without resentment at my inability to accomplish at meetings the very things we are attending to achieve. Socialization with my peers is fabulous, but I used to be able to write.

Well, welcome to October.

How I write

I like to break the 4th wall.

I like to be a lot silly.

I like to slip in private jokes for my friends, and for me.

I write too much of me into my characters. Shhhh…

I write better when I write fast.

I don’t like to edit much more than for grammar and continuity.

I am struggling a LOT right now with writing. Maybe that’s come up? Or maybe I’ve just been ranting about it in my journal for a few days. It’s stress. Personal stress, family stress, and pandemic stress.

And the fucking masks. I know I mentioned the masks (which I will wear while loathing every second, but not resenting them).

But anyway. I got an idea for a scene — I guess it’s more accurate that a scene started playing in my head — while I was in the bathroom, where a character complains to another character about their nickname, and the second character tries to convince them to go with it, because the author is getting tired of typing it. The first character rationalizes that the reader doesn’t mind reading it, and she prefers it, so it should stay.

I’m going to keep that.


The nature of my block

When I sit in the evening and the kids have gone to bed and I have time to write, I find myself tired. Just go to bed, I think. A good nights rest will help the words come easier tomorrow.

So I’ll to go bed tonight, early, and tomorrow find that the TV is distracting, or it’s hot, or there are chores to be done, or a kid will need my attention and energy.

I won’t “have time” to write. The words won’t “come to me.” I won’t “feel creative.”

And tomorrow night I will find myself here. Tired, thinking a good nights rest will help the words come easier tomorrow.


I’ve found a writer on YouTube who I enjoy watching (SAVY Writes Books) who keeps talking about “booktubers,” and I am fascinated. I want to know what this is, and who these people are, and what kind of things these people are doing (aside from, I assume, writing books).

She’s also making a lot of anti-MLM videos, and I think I stumbled on her because…well, I honestly am not sure if it happened before or after I learned about a particular high-profile breakup (ETA: before, somehow), but I watched a critical video she made on Rachel Hollis (whose conference I attended in January) and was fascinated by the perspective.

Anyway, back to BookTubers. There’s another word that gets thrown around, “AuthorTube.” Is this some facet of YouTube I haven’t discovered? Or another website entirely?

Wikipedia has an article that sheds a little light. Apparently it’s just a subset of content creators on YouTube who do a variety of book-related videos, such as book reviews, bookshelf tours, and book announcements and promotions.

I am intrigued. I wonder if my channel will eventually find a home there?

One of the things I’m learning about my own channel is that I’m not going to be able to rush it into anything. (I wrote that sentence and got distracted, and it doesn’t make any sense.) I won’t be able to make it fit in a box right now. I think with time I’ll find something that will give the channel some focus, but I don’t think I can push that.

And one thing I’ve picked up (and hopefully will hold onto) from watching SAVY’s channel is that vastly different things can go together if a person has passion for it. SAVY’s channel is full of writerly things and anti-MLM videos, which ties back into small businesses and how MLMs are not small businesses (I think is how it was put). My point is, that makes sense and SAVY has passion about those things, but I never would have thought to put them together!

At this point, I would imagine that if I had to put my channel in a box at this moment, I would find a box for it, and then try to keep it in there, and then get tired of it, and give it up. I know consistency is important and so is finding a Niche (stupid word), but I also know giving up is bad. So I’ll keep working on making videos and finding a format that works for me that people enjoy, keep finding things to share, keep improving, those kind of things.

Or I’ll never improve, and I’ll have a channel full of randomness that I can say, “Hey, remember when I spent all of the Pandemic on this silly project and I cut my hair? Yeah, good times.” LOL

I hope you’re having a great day! And if you’re not having a great day, I hope you’re having an okay day. And if you’re not having an okay day, I hope tomorrow is better. Loves!

Keeping the streak alive


It’s Saturday. It’s a lovely Saturday where I am, and I’m enjoying being able to see the sun for a change. Usually where I sit, my back is not only to a window, but the window is about eight to ten feet from the neighbor’s window, so even if the sun is shining, it doesn’t reach the alley between our homes.

And the temperature is in a lovely place where the sun is warm on the skin, but the breeze picks up once in a while to soothe you. It’s in my ideal range of 65-70, and I am happy.

I am, however, less happy to wear a mask in this weather. I hate to sweat, and it’s pretty much guaranteed if I wear a mask when it’s this warm that I’ll heat up enough to sweat. Ick. But I’ll do it. Don’t get me wrong. I won’t like it, but I’ll do it.

There’s not a lot going on today. Aside from my usual Saturday chore, I had thought about filming a video (I have everything but the tripod, but I can manage without that), and I would just like to spend some time outside. I’d thought about meditating out there before I’m done here, but the neighbor and his child keep coming outside, so perhaps neither filming nor meditating will happen. I could just go sit, though.

I’m currently watching some Minecraft Twitch streams, and the one I’m most interested is almost over, so perhaps I’ll go out after this is over.

What else? I pre-ordered a new Start Today journal. I almost ordered a planner, too, but then I remembered that A) my favorite type of planner is a Bullet Journal of my own creation, and B) because of A, no other planners really stick with me. And while someday I hope to be in a place where I can just try all the journals to find the one I really love, I’m not in that place right now, and the reason that the Bullet Journal works so well for me is because if I get into a financial situation where I can’t purchase the lovely $20 journals that I prefer, it will work just as well in a composition notebook, a spiral bound notebook, or whatever notebook I have laying around. (And I have a lot of notebooks laying around. That’s another video to come up at some point, once I decide how I want to film it.)

Let’s see…I have a new patron on my Patreon page! I really need to get some early writing up there. I’m doing well at getting regular-ish videos out with their 24-hour early release, but now I need to get some words. In the journal I just finished with, I mentioned I should write. Now that I’ve done the blogging, it’s probably time to fiction. I don’t know what to write, really. The idea that was tickling my brain wasn’t exactly suited to a short story. Then again, maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe I’ll try my hand at writing a serial? That might be one of those things that happens accidentally, though, if I’m honest.

Okay. All done! I wish I could have had this pre-scheduled for release at 7:42 am like I’ve been doing, but at this point, I’m just glad to keep up my streak. There may be a lot more posts like this – rambly bits without purpose just to keep a streak alive.

And there may be a lot less posts like this. I don’t want to commit to a schedule because Life gets in my way from time to time, and ultimately, my blog isn’t needed to be regular for anyone. It just needs to be there for me.