Oh, hello!

The use of exclamation point in the title of this post may imply that the author is doing better than they actually are.

Or not. Right now, actually, I feel okay. I am doing laundry, which means I am not in the house with most of the issues that have been causing considerable stress. This either means I’m really good at compartmentalizing, or there’s something wrong with me that I’m able to “turn off” my stress/anxiety/depression when I’m not around the triggers for it.

Meh. Something along those lines.

So, how are you? Taking care of yourself? I hope so. Maybe doing laundry is that for me. I’m not sure. At the very least, as I mentioned, I’m not facing the consequences of my stressors, because they are in another location, or I haven’t been forced to look at them closely (that will happen tomorrow night with one of them, unfortunately). So I’m calm-ish, able to get some perspective (no one is dead, or currently in the hospital, and we are together – we will be okay), and I have a little time for me.

Currently, time for me includes working through my four journals (bullet journal planner, Start Today journal with gratitudes and goals, shared journal, and personal journal/occasional YouTube planner), watching a Minecraft Twitch stream, thinking about meditating and filming when this is over (not at the same time), and planning a book recommendation list to add to this blog. That’s kind of the plan for the day, actually. I have a couple hours left before laundry will be done, so I may get quite a bit of it accomplished.

My friend pointed out something in the comments that I’m really embracing right now. After ranting about “niche” for a bit (I probably very nearly have that rant out of my system), my friend pointed out that

I don’t know what I’m doing
and you can’t stop me

really is my niche right now.

I love that. I love that so hard. Because yeah, with the establishment of this blog, after having so many others, I did kind of sort out that I will write about whatever I want to write about, whenever I want to do it, because ultimately this has to be for me before it will ever be for anyone else. In fact, it may only ever be for me in terms of I may never gain a huge following. Will I allow it to survive that long? I sincerely hope so, but it’s hard to tell.

And that is going to be my niche on YouTube, too. Another friend told me her advisor told her to just make the videos right now, that her niche will reveal itself with time. And yes! That, too, I love. Because while right now I’m just going to Do The Thing, at some point I could narrow things down and things could really have a definitive theme. Or a different theme, I suppose. It’s okay to change.

it’s okay to change.

I need to remember that. Change is normal. Change is life. Nothing is static, and getting comfortable with change is going to change (ha-ha) my life in a good way. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is good.

Hard, maybe, but good.

So I don’t have to be the person I am now in 5 years, or 5 months, or 5 days (although that last one seems drastic).

Hmm.

I may have gotten off track today.

That’s all right.

I love me anyway.

I hope you have a great day today.

And if you aren’t having a great day, I hope you have an okay day.

And if you aren’t having an okay day, I hope tomorrow is better.

Loves.

Niche

Pronounced to rhyme with “itch”, not “beesh”, according to Google. Adjective.

denoting or relating to products, services, or interests that appeal to a small, specialized section of the population

Google Dictionary

I have a hard time with this.

Your blog should have a niche.

Very Popular Advice on starting a blog (no direct citations)

You’ll need to figure out your niche.

Very Popular Advice on starting a YouTube Channel (no direct citation)

ARGH.

Because I don’t have a damn niche! I like talking about whatever. I like filming random crap. Although perhaps it wasn’t a great idea to post about my walk, recently. I may take that down for privacy reasons.

I don’t know what my blog is about.

I don’t know what my YouTube channel is about.

I’m not exactly having a crisis, but I’m kind of having a crisis.

I think the solution here is to stop reading and watching advice about how to do the thing, and just do the thing. One, I’ll probably have more fun in the process. Two, I’ll definitely stress less about doing things “wrong”. (I am, apparently, very concerned about doing things wrong.)

I don’t have a niche, unless “I have no idea what I’m doing and you can’t stop me” can be a niche.

Even the word is irritating. Niche. I feel like it really needs to be pronounced like “neesh”, not “nitch”. Even “neeshay” wouldn’t be so irritating to me. (Turns out, Google can’t even agree on how to pronounce it. Because “niche” looks French, I asked Google what “niche in french” is, and it pronounced the English version “neesh” instead of it’s previous pronunciation of “nitch”. F*ckitol.)

I don’t have any idea what I’m doing, and you can’t stop me.

Am I doing YouTube because I wanted to? Because I like it? Because I’d love for it to be another stream of income?

Yes.

Am I going to be just as scattered on YouTube as I am here, on my blog?

Ah, yup.

My niche can be “people who know me IRL and who want to support me because they don’t hate me, or are related to me”.

And people who like to watch other people cut off their hair.

Because that’s a thing.

Loves!

ETA: 21-day streak, baybee! <3