Enter Interesting Blog Title Here

Greetings and salutations!

I didn’t get a chance to film yesterday, unfortunately, but I’m looking forward to trying to get it done today. I also have another rough idea of something I’d like to do, so I may try to start scheduling videos ahead of time. That would be a nice skill to have, I think, and one to definitely practice.

I have been stressed for the past couple of days, but I think it’s possible that may pass soon. I’m feeling better right now at this moment, and I hope that continues.

I vacuumed the house today. DH (Dear Husband, for those who haven’t gotten familiar with all of my abbreviations yet) almost asked EY (Elder Youth) to do it yesterday, but I wanted EY to mow the lawn, so I overrode him on that. Today I got it done myself. I was able to get up enough hair to create a new cat for the family. I vacuumed the stairs that really, really needed it. I vacuumed up all the stray cat food and cat sand that was trying to work its way all over the house.

That was my big accomplishment, and while it didn’t make me feel better when it happened, it certainly has made me feel better now, reflecting on it.

There’s not a whole lot more for me to say right now. I’m very grateful that things are, overall, going okay right now. Okay is good. Okay is better than bad. I’m very grateful that DH is able to offer help when I’m stressed out, and that I’m able to articulate what problems I’m having (anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, stress, confusion, the need for information) so he can help me with it.

Okay.

I hope you’re having a good day.

If you’re not having a good day, I hope you’re having an okay day.

If you’re not having an okay day, I hope tomorrow is better.

Loves.

Niche

Pronounced to rhyme with “itch”, not “beesh”, according to Google. Adjective.

denoting or relating to products, services, or interests that appeal to a small, specialized section of the population

Google Dictionary

I have a hard time with this.

Your blog should have a niche.

Very Popular Advice on starting a blog (no direct citations)

You’ll need to figure out your niche.

Very Popular Advice on starting a YouTube Channel (no direct citation)

ARGH.

Because I don’t have a damn niche! I like talking about whatever. I like filming random crap. Although perhaps it wasn’t a great idea to post about my walk, recently. I may take that down for privacy reasons.

I don’t know what my blog is about.

I don’t know what my YouTube channel is about.

I’m not exactly having a crisis, but I’m kind of having a crisis.

I think the solution here is to stop reading and watching advice about how to do the thing, and just do the thing. One, I’ll probably have more fun in the process. Two, I’ll definitely stress less about doing things “wrong”. (I am, apparently, very concerned about doing things wrong.)

I don’t have a niche, unless “I have no idea what I’m doing and you can’t stop me” can be a niche.

Even the word is irritating. Niche. I feel like it really needs to be pronounced like “neesh”, not “nitch”. Even “neeshay” wouldn’t be so irritating to me. (Turns out, Google can’t even agree on how to pronounce it. Because “niche” looks French, I asked Google what “niche in french” is, and it pronounced the English version “neesh” instead of it’s previous pronunciation of “nitch”. F*ckitol.)

I don’t have any idea what I’m doing, and you can’t stop me.

Am I doing YouTube because I wanted to? Because I like it? Because I’d love for it to be another stream of income?

Yes.

Am I going to be just as scattered on YouTube as I am here, on my blog?

Ah, yup.

My niche can be “people who know me IRL and who want to support me because they don’t hate me, or are related to me”.

And people who like to watch other people cut off their hair.

Because that’s a thing.

Loves!

ETA: 21-day streak, baybee! <3

Anxiety/Frustration

Frustranxiety? That might work.

I’m anxious. And frustrated.

I want to craft. I don’t want to be behind a computer.

When I have time to craft, I just want to be behind a computer.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, BRAIN.

I don’t like this.

I want to craft.

I don’t want to be behind a computer.

Thankfully, the feeling will pass in about eight hours.

*sigh*

It’s not working (Writer’s Group, No Writing!)

My writing group isn’t working for me. It’s not even a writing group like it was when we started. When we started, we got together and were quiet for giant swaths of time as we wrote, stopping to ask a question, get it answered, and move on. Sometimes we talked at length about someone’s story – asking questions, probing, learning – but it seemed to always be about writing.

But the group evolved and changed, as things do, and now it’s a social group. I like everyone who comes. They’re my friends. I like talking to them, learning about them, etc.

But it’s no longer a writing/editing group. It’s a group of writers who may occasionally happen to be able to get some writing in (usually by attending earlier than the rest of the group, thus avoiding the lure of conversation by eliminating other people to talk to).

When I want to write, everyone else wants to chat. When I want to chat, everyone else somehow manages to bury their heads in their projects.

That happened last night. I went and just wanted to write a blog post. My Chromebook battery was low – I hadn’t charged it fully the week before and hadn’t pulled it out of the bag to recharge it this week. My writing goals are meager these days. All that was on my plate was my response and ponderings about the amount of water I’ve been drinking lately.

And I got drawn into a conversation. Maybe I even initiated it after someone made a noise, I don’t remember. I enjoyed the conversation. I learned new things. I’m excited about what I learned.

But I am so fucking frustrated that at a writing group meeting I couldn’t even write a damned blog post. I’m frustrated that the things I want to say are so fucking fleeting that I can’t hold on to them after I get interrupted. I’m frustrated that the time for writing that I need isn’t there anymore because I can’t manage my time.

I’m frustrated. I don’t know how to “fix” this, or if there is a solution that doesn’t involve me ceasing to attend this event filled with friends. That’s a possibility, to be honest. One I’ve considered quite a bit but hesitate to mention out loud because of Reasons.

Well, at any rate, something needs to change. I’m a writer who doesn’t write, which essentially means I’m now just a gamer who doesn’t get paid for Netflixing while playing Skyblock in Minecraft. I write because of the potential to let my words pay for my life, and to free myself from the constraints of being someone else’s employee.

Maybe that reason isn’t good enough anymore.

Thoughts.