There was a thing

There was a particular kind of post that I wanted to write today that of course I cannot remember now because I get ideas and I can’t hold on to them to save my life (mostly because my time to think right now is on the drive to work while I’m listening to an audiobook, and I get sucked into the audiobook so much that I don’t want to pause it to create a recorded memo, so yes, I know there are options, but they don’t work for me right now), so now I’m going to write something else.

How is it that I can manage to put up with the political and daily news items on Twitter that push me over the edge on Facebook? Why can I keep my content on Twitter when I go through and delete everything I’ve ever written and have ever been tagged in on Facebook?

I don’t even remember why I don’t like Facebook anymore, and yet I still went over into my settings today and debated suspending my Facebook again.

I, like everyone, am having a rough time with this year. When it looks like everything is as bad as it could possibly get, it gets worse. It occurred to me today, though, that none of it is actually happening to me, but rather around me. I mean, aside from my undiagnosed depression (or whatever else is actually going on – anxiety? something else?), everything is happening to my children, or my husband, or my parents. And yet, I keep trying to make it about me. What did I do to cause this? What should I have done differently? How am I supposed to respond to this?

I am simultaneously terrified to be acknowledged, and desperate for attention. What is that? Like, you can either be nobody, or somebody. You can’t be somebody nobody knows anything about. It doesn’t work like that anymore. People are rabid with secrets like that.

What in the world is wrong with me? (Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical. The whole thing is rhetorical.

I… | #AtoZ #LetterI #nonfiction

…am glad this week is almost over.

Hi! I know you stopped by looking for an A-Z post of a short story, or perhaps the craft of writing. Perhaps you even looked so far as to see that my theme is “Catching Up.” Well, while I did spending a couple of days “catching up”, so at least on that point I’m on theme, there may actually be no fiction or writing talk.

I love reusable blocks in WordPress. I use the heck out of them with monthly/yearly blog challenges. <3

This week went by pretty quickly, but yesterday I lost track of the days for the first time. I saw an email saying something about Thursday, and I thought for a couple moments they were a little early for that, as it was actually Tuesday.

Nope. I just lost track of my days.

I’ve kept busy with work, with videos for work, and with recording videos for myself.

I’ve kept busy with the blog posts, getting most of them up on time.

I’ve kept busy getting access to the programs I needed and usually used on the (now dead) laptop.

I’ve kept busy feeding the kids.

I’ve kept busy entertaining and cleaning up after the bird and the cats.

I’ve kept busy with Zoom and Facebook videos, meetings, training classes, and hangouts.

I’ve kept busy.

And I’m tired.

I look forward to about seven o’clock, after I’ve made dinner and everyone’s consumed it. I look forward to pouring the last glass of local wine I’ve had on my kitchen counter since…November, perhaps? Long enough to earn a decent coating of dust. I look forward to finishing the bottle, and not having more wine available in the house to consume.

I look forward to enjoying the relatively relaxing routine of my weekend.

I look forward to doing laundry, and picking up groceries.

Easter is Sunday. It’s a candy holiday in our house. And since I’m not letting my kids out of the house to visit my parents, we won’t really be celebrating in any kind of meaningful way. I’ll hopefully get some chocolate with my grocery order (assuming they’re not out of stock—that’s happening a lot lately, understandably), and we’ll wish each other a Happy Easter, and that’ll be it.

This is a sad, possibly repetitive attempt at a blog post. I needed a break from the project I was working on, and I don’t want to take the 20 minutes to do something else.

I hope your week hasn’t been too soul-crushing.

I hope you’re healthy, and if not healthy, on the mend.

I hope you can get all the groceries you need.

I hope you can work from home.

I hope you are able to weather this lockdown/stay-at-home order/pandemic and come out the other side without suffering too much.