Identification Issues

WELL THEN. This is WEIRD.

Admittedly, I’ve had this thought recently, but I really thought it was insecurity because I haven’t been writing lately.

What if I’m not really meant to be a writer?

Nicki’s Insecurities

Yeah. But then I was looking through my RSS feed reader (because I’m old and I like that particular way of keeping track of the blogs I like) and I saw a post by NaNo – “Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: Writing During (and About) Times of Trauma“.

Huh. I’ve written about trauma before. But I don’t need to worry about that this year.

Nicki’s Actual Thoughts

I actually thought that I didn’t need the article because I’m not a writer and so I wouldn’t need the advice.

*record scratch*

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. HECKIN’. HECK.

(I’m trying not to swear.)

I can’t pinpoint for how long, but I’ve considered myself a writer for years now. Probably since I started co-MLing for our local NaNo region. That’s over 10 years. That’s a long time to stick to an identity, and then to just have it slip away when I wasn’t paying attention?

How did that happen?

You all have heard the story. I had a vacation planned (convention) in January and then I came back and got the flu, and then I got Shingles, and that all combined just ground writing to a halt. And oh, yeah, then we all got shut in for Quarantine, and it’s been FUBARed since then. Pandemic, etc. Personal family crisis, etc.

So I haven’t been writing. And I’ve been OKAY with not writing, because I was creating on YouTube in its place. I couldn’t write because Life, but I could record videos and post them online. Creating is creating, and that need was met.

But I’ve been a writer for ages (I tell the story about the 4th grade book about cat eating mouse that I wrote/illustrated a lot, too, so I won’t retell it), and to not feel like a writer right now is…

It’s making me uneasy.

I made another identification shift this morning, too. Unrelated to writing, etc. So that’s not helping.

I’m so very confused.

I’ll settle into things eventually, I’m sure. But for now…

Confusion.

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