Stress eating

I’ve done more stress eating since going back to the office than I ever did at the start of the stay at home order. And I’ve done less moving since going back to the office than I did while working from home.

I am made to work from home. That’s the logical conclusion here.

It actually indicates something else for me as well, but I’m not going to state that conclusion out loud.

I am someone that absolutely hates conflict. I like gossip, but I hate conflict. And my favorite form of exercise (and I’m so sorry, I know this isn’t original) is jumping to conclusions. I have it pretty under control these days, but it still creeps up.

Like what happened a few weeks ago. I posted a post on a social media account that I share with coworkers, and someone replied something that was most likely a general comment about the general negative tone on said social media, but felt like a personal fucking attack. I can’t delete that social media, but I sure as hell can delete all the posts I’ve made over the last ten years or so, and so I did that.

<sarcasm> Because that’s totally a rational reaction to a comment someone made on social media, and not to my face. </sarcasm>

Trust me, I do understand that it was an overreaction. And if maybe it happened again a week later on a different social media account? Yeah, I understand that’s an overreaction as well.

But honestly, it feels better. It feels like I cleaned up a mess that was sticky and starting to attract ants. I feel like I have control again. And maybe it’s helping me pay more attention to what I post on the few accounts I haven’t purged yet.

Or maybe not. Only time will tell.

Loves. No comments today.

Looking for what you have

I’m really frustrated right now with my inability to express what I’m trying to say, and what I thought I could build an entire post off of (which I now think won’t work). Essentially, a friend told me about a new social network that I thought looked interesting and I thought about joining, because that would finally be the place where I could start over and really be myself.

And that’s bullshit, because I have this damn blog, and it’s essentially the same thing as yelling into the void because I believe a whole two people read it.

So whatever. I’m tired of that idea already. I sound like I’m whining, and that’s not attractive.

Just a couple other thoughts that crossed my mind this week that are significantly less whiny.

I mentioned on Twitter that I would like to have a job where it is a requirement that I pre-order books. And someone I don’t know well but whose tweets I usually enjoy replied that I should be a librarian, and that’s what they’d been doing all morning.

Oddly enough, that has crossed my mind recently. As I spend more time thinking about goals and things I want, I regret not having finished my 4-year degree. The time wasn’t right for it, though, and I wouldn’t have the life I’ve had (good and bad) had I forced my way through. Whatever. That’s not what I wanted to say.

Anyway, so for whatever reason, making a goal to get a Bachelor or even a Master’s degree has held some appeal. I don’t know why I settled on “librarian”.

Damn it. I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Again.

Anyway. Maybe someday I’ll go back to school to become a librarian. Maybe someday I’ll have enough income that I could go back to school to get a Bachelor and Master’s degree, which I believe is the requirement to become a person with a librarian job. Because schooling is fucking expensive, and I shouldn’t have wasted money on it the first time, and I’m sure as hell not going to take out loans for such a thing at this point in my life, in the financial situation I currently exist in.

I’m so scattered today.

It’s Saturday.

Happy weekend.

A late addition

Today is Juneteenth. This is not the first year I’ve been aware of the holiday, but it is close to it. It wasn’t taught in school. I think I heard about the holiday for the first time in the last couple of years. I’m not very proud of that.

I’m working on a small sewing project for Junior Youth – sewing a pocket onto the front of a t-shirt turned tank top so there’s a pouch for JY to carry our newest family member, Benelli. Benelli is a guinea pig, and I don’t know if I’ve mentioned her before.

Unfortunately, since I’m doing it by hand, my right hand started to cramp up when I got about 1/3 of the way through the project, so I’ll have to work more on it tomorrow. Hopefully I can finish it. I may take it with me to do laundry, in fact.

I really don’t mind sewing by hand all that much, but if I was more comfortable with setting up my sewing machine, I 100% would rather be using that. I just don’t have the mental energy for that, which is why I haven’t made any masks yet, either.

I got home early today, as I mentioned. I stayed late to work on getting Dropbox moved to a new hard drive on one of the office computers, so I got home less early than I would have had I bolted at 1 pm. But it was still early, so I took a nap, which was lovely. And now, I’m nearly ready for a nap again. I ate most of a pint of ice cream, and it was delicious. I can see the cats sprawling on their backs with their cute little back legs spread wide, airing out their delicate bits (at least the ones I didn’t have removed in favor of reducing unwanted kitten populations), and they have such good ideas (the naps, not necessarily the sprawl position).

I hope you had a good day. And if you didn’t have a good day, I hope you had an okay day. And if you didn’t have an okay day, I hope tomorrow is better. Loves.

A new daily habit?

I watched this video about a woman who did a timelapse of her learning to write with her non-dominant hand, and it’s so neat!

So I’m trying it.

So as the captions already note, day 0 was me writing with my dominant hand as a baseline. I’m doing as the video did, using Wikipedia articles. The first article is listed, and the second and third articles were Rainbow and Clover, respectively.

Day 1 was rough. I can hardly read it! My hand was jumping all over, and I didn’t have a good grip on my hand. It’s actually worse than my reverse handwriting with my right hand, which I may try next, because that’s a fun trick, too.

Day 2 went better – that was this morning. I wrote a little more slowly, and I had a better grip. But it’s still rough. At least it’s legible, though. More or less.

I don’t know why I’m using my time like this. I’m feeling guilty about not making time for YouTube right now. That would mean asking my kids to accept less of my time, though, and that’s not going to happen.

Well, anyway. I remembered to blog! Woo!

Happy Thursday!

Daily Reminder

The Reminder I set up on my phone is persistent, and I appreciate it.

This is your daily reminder. What are you grateful for today?

I am grateful for getting more sleep when my body tells me I need it.

I am grateful for all the help I have trying to raise my kids. My husband, my parents, therapists, doctors. They’re all critical.

I am grateful we haven’t had creditors calling us in the past 18 years, because creditor calls and letters suck ass.

I am grateful I have most of my debt in a debt management plan that helps me get those fuckers paid off because seriously, I fucking hate debt.

I am grateful we are able to pay our bills even though our income is altered right now.

I am grateful I have a job that is so flexible, and that I’m able to work in the office right now.

I am grateful for the new idea to work on my penmanship with a little bit of daily practice. (I’ll post some updates soon.)

There’s more, but I’m also crunched for time.

Loves.