F is for Finished (just taking a step back, swear!)

So I know that’s really click-baity titling on my end, but it was such a good F word I really had to.

I’m just taking a couple steps back. I worried last night that I’m sharing too much. Not just oversharing, but just too much, you know? And then I got it in my head last night that I need to cut off my hair, that I need to delete Facebook, that I need to remove all social media from my phone, that I’m tired of hearing other people’s voices in my head again (through videos, books, etc, not hallucinations), and it’s time for a rest.


Anyway! So since I don’t have the community tab on YT yet (1,000 subscribers needed for that bad boy), I update with short videos. That is all for today!

Happy Wednesday/A to Z Challenge/Camp Nano!

Excitement for and against

Yesh. I am writing this the day of instead of the night before, and I am again typing instead of dictating.


So I talk about all of this in my video. If you’re more interested in that, go watch that. You shouldn’t miss too much.

I’m super excited about my story right now! I have it tentatively titled Sugar X, and honestly, I may keep that title. It’s not a bad title. I have a couple main characters sorted out – Clover and James. They’re the pair that will ultimately end up together, happily ever after. No spoilers here – I write HEA Romance. They all end up happily together.

I’m also very excited about the livestreams I’ve been doing on YouTube to keep me on track with writing. I got the idea from TikTok, someone went live while studying so they wouldn’t be scrolling on their phone. I thought that was a great idea – it would not only keep me off my phone but would also keep the television off. Of course, I do tend to get distracted by chat, but that’s okay. And I haven’t figured out how to use my phone as my webcam, which would provide me a better quality of livestream. EpocCam is a massive failure. It connects just fine, but the stream just cycles through and never actually goes live. Ugh.

I’m excited about having another day off this week. Yesterday was relaxing and productive. I got a lot of things done – writing, filming, and a bit of cleaning – as well as getting in a nap and watching a movie. I made food for lunch and dinner, and generally it was just a nice day.

I’m less excited about the way things change, and how resistant some folks seem to be to the fact that nothing can ever remain the same. The actions we take to make our lives “better” (it’s arguable whether it is better for everyone) have consequences. Everyone driving a car changes the chemicals that get put into our air. Huge cattle farms and hog lots, and the amount of food that needs to be produced to feed those animals, and the amount of waste those things produce, that changes our environment as well. Good or bad, it’s change. We used to manage for ourselves, and survive in smaller groups, and now we’re a global economy, and reliant on so many different places for different things. Everything is disposable these days. Things aren’t made to last, they’re made to be replaced in a few years by a newer model.

And that’s just frustrating. I won’t make arguments for or against those things right now. I eat meat, I drive a car, I can’t throw stones too far because I’m going to kill the cow that made my beef jerky or break a window on my vehicle.

I’m less excited about dishwashers. This is odd because growing up, my parent’s house has never not had a dishwasher. I grew up with unloading the dishwasher as one of my chores. After dinner, we rinsed plates and put them in the dishwasher. But a friend has had such trouble with them in her home, and it’s put a bad taste in my mouth. I can wash a huge pile of dishes in 15 minutes, max. My hands don’t break down, I don’t have to wonder how to make the dishes start getting clean when I’m washing them by hand. Dishwashers have so many heckin’ options, and do they really get your things clean? Maybe they do, but I don’t have to buy a new chemical to clean the dishwasher, or a dishwashing pod of chemicals to clean my dishes. I have to buy dish soap, this is true. Bah.

I don’t know why I’m going on about that stuff. Honestly.

I’m just babbling now. I hope everyone has a lovely day. Have you had a drink of water lately? Have some water. Have you gotten something productive done today? You can mark off visiting my blog for the A to Z Challenge if you want.

Have a lovely day!


I am pleased to announce that today the blog post is a distraction from what I was previously doing, and I’m pleased that it’s a distraction because I was writing words! I’ve said a lot recently that it’s been about a year since I’ve felt like creating words with my fingers instead of my mouth and face. I’m relieved. This feels like home. This feels right, and yes, even though for the past year I didn’t feel like a writer, today at least I do once again. I like it.

So speaking of making words with my mouth and face, I started a new YouTube channel recently. My previous channel, Growing Up Walls, was about self-love, self-care, etc, and it was feeling too constricting. I wanted the freedom to do whatever I wanted without feeling like I was going to let people down, so I started Nicki Gets Distracted. I set up rules for myself from the outset: post whatever I want, whenever I want. No guilt allowed if I don’t post for three months, no frantic searching for something to post, anything, when I’m not in the mood. And if I want to post three times a day, then I can do that, too. Shorts? Sure. Livestreams? If I so desire.

I nearly named the channel Distracticat. I actually had the channel name set as that for a while before I posted my first video there. Then I thought better of it – I didn’t want a channel name that left room for interpretation, or caused me to feel compelled to explain the title all the time so no one else missed out on the joke.

The joke being is that I do tend to get distracted. I start projects and invest in them and don’t complete them. I buy yarn for scarves I don’t make. I buy fabric for clothes or stuffed animals or toys that I don’t make. I buy journals I don’t use, I buy handwriting books I don’t practice….

It goes on.

The YouTube channel may be a thing I abandon, but that’s okay because it’s set up to allow for that in my head. And I am trying to be more conscientious of the fact that I do less well with rules and structure with some of these things these days. I didn’t sign up for Camp NaNo this year because the pressure of checking in with a cabin, deciding on a title, picking a goal, writing a summary, and sharing an excerpt makes the entire thing No Heckin’ Fun. But I want to write, so I shall write with the other people also doing Camp and take energy from them, even if I’m not strictly “in the circle.” The A to Z Challenge is supposed to be a blog challenge, but I want to make videos, so I’m finding a way to do both. And if at some point I just am doing daily videos with no regard to the letter of the day, so be it.

We can break the rules that need breaking to make things that we enjoy doing fun again for us. That’s a thing.

So I should be done with this distraction now. I need to go outside and be in the sun for a while, and I need to make a video. I’m trying to make them more “vlog”-y, if that’s a thing, with b-roll (sort of) and extra things to make the entire watching more interesting. I’m not good at it yet, so it’s a work in progress.

I hope you’re having a lovely Monday!

Creative Creativity

I’m not narrating this one, I’m actually typing it.


lol. Anyway.

I remember the oddest things. I remember sitting with my writing group—


—and one of my best friends laughed and pointed out a typo, or a “nanoism,” she’d discovered in the book she was editing.

“The green couch was green,” was the gist of the thing.

I still find this kind of repetitive emphasis entertaining. Perhaps not cracking up laughing until you cry and your stomach cramps, but more cleverly amusing.

And thus, I still use it with excessive excessiveness.

See what I did there? 😁

I have a book, I titled it “Space Cats From Space,” because clearly “Space Cats” doesn’t tell you enough about the cats themselves. Are they Space Cats, but from Earth? Actually, technically, yes. But you don’t know that when you start the story, and so that is not the title.

It would, however, make a great sequel title. I don’t even need to take notes to remember that one.

And now I have a post entitled Creative Creativity. Not the other kind of creativity. Not the routine kind, not the scheduled kind, not the mindless kind, the creativity that is in it’s very nature creative in either it’s execution or it’s delivery.

Okay, fine. I’m really just pulling things out of my butt. I don’t know what the video will be like, but I have a title, dagnabit!

Big Ba-Da-Boom

I feel like some part of that titles city the should be capitalized, but I can’t decide which part, so we’re leaving it just like it is for now. Big is capitalized, everything else is lowercase. Capitalization corrected.

So greetings and salutations, friendly friends, and people Lee people-y people. I knew it wasn’t gonna figure out people leave people-y. Anyway.

Today’s post is about…well, I really don’t know what this post is about. I think I had intended to write this post about large books, and it was going to call it big books to keep the alliteration going.

I could talk about the 750 page Wanderers by Chuck Wendig, that’s a big book (but holy heck, I’ve talked about that a LOT lately). I could also talk about Promised Land, by Barack Obama. That’s another big book. I actually don’t know how many pages, but the audiobook is like 32 hours.

I could talk about my own biggest book, which I believe is Tripping Into Happily Ever After by, well, myself. I also wrote a particularly large and equally bad story called Towers. We won’t talk about that one. (I mean, we could talk about that one – it’s a lovely piece of science fiction that has a strong start and a moderate middle and a poo ending. The ending really was rather weak, IMHO. Maybe I’ll swipe at it someday and release it.)

If we drop books from the previous title of big books then we could talk about any film that Kevin Costner has directed. He makes those a considerable length. (Not that I don’t appreciate a 3-4 hour film once in a while. As long as I have notice.)

B could also be for babble, which I tend to do quite a bit. Especially in the videos when I am on my way to somewhere in my vehicle. Because I like talking. To myself. I could talk about how I got that trait quite clearly from my grandmother on my father’s side. She never met a story she couldn’t tell six times. Or 12. I am afraid I am going to torture my future grandchildren as my grandmother tortured me. Telling stories over and over again, because I can’t remember who I told them to before.

And here’s a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with the letter B. I am seeing so many more qualities of ADHD in myself, and I recognize some of them also now in my grandmother. It’s a very strange thing.

I don’t know how tomorrow will turn out. But being Friday, it is sure to be a blast. Ha. Ha ha. Get it? B for blast?

*sigh* i’ll stop now. Promise.